For quite sometime now I have felt like I have this divine destiny and major purpose that I am supposed to be fulfilling and I have had the struggle to find my purpose in life. The past 2 years I have been in Japan feeling extremely depressed and longing for the day to finally get home to my wife and family.
When I was little I remember changing what I wanted to be when I grew up every time I was asked. I did that all the way up until the day I learned about acting; from that point I had discovered there was a job that allowed me to be all the job and still be me at the end of the day and it was a bonus that I would get paid to dress up and play pretend. I did that up until I was about 17 by the way... the playing pretend... yeah never wanted to grow up and abandon all creativity... Sadly, somewhere along the line I lost my lost-boy self and fell away from Neverland. I loved acting and thought I was good at it for a really long time. I made movies all the time and then actually in high school shifted my focus to the school theatre and arts. I was treated like an upcoming star by my teacher and promised that there was a lead role for me in my sr year. But I never broke the supporting role. I had a good time and looking back at it I do miss that time in my life. (Mostly.. High School sucked)
My Sr. year was when I branched away and got involved in "Kolt News" our school news team (we were the Cottonwood Colts so thats where the name came from). After getting told a part was mine and that I was the future of cottonwood theatre, I lost the part to someone else and yet again, got a supporting role... one that was only in half the show. So I left the theatre somewhat and found myself, my girlfriend and my best friend with matching schedules for "Kolt News" Making short stories and doing the announcements with my 2 best friends put me right into this whole world that I went crazy for! Once I had a taste of the filmmaking realm, I felt I had found my purpose...
We even ended up getting a story aired after the super bowl on our local Fox News Station. Of course that did lead to some complications where the school wanted to sue the three of us for making an Anti Bullying Video after anti-bully week, that showed the truth of high school bullying where students and teachers literally turned the other way while I "bullied my friend" (It was a what would you do hidden camera thing) After a long fight of back and forth lawsuit threats, the school made me write apology letters for "making them look bad", we had to take down the video, and we were not aloud to talk about it. The ironic thing is that the teachers and students, bullied us about the anti-bullying video we made... I am getting distracted...
I fell in love with film making again and it was good to be back! I was making new content every week and even sometimes had multiple projects at once. My team was AMAZING!! We left our mark for sure and then after we graduated things changed. Hunter (my girlfriend at the time) started going to college. Winch, or Taylor to anybody who didn't know him also went to college but moved a couple hours away to do it. I left to go serve a mission. I was anticipated to serve for 2 years, but it ended up being more like 3 months. After I came home I started working and going to school for film while helping Hunter as she prepared to serve her mission. Fast forward a few months after Hunter had left for Washington and I found myself in the Marine Corps...
I need to get one thing straight. I definitely understand that the Marine Corps has done a lot of good in my life. I have changed a lot and grown and become stronger in many ways. I also have to say The military was probably the biggest mistake of my whole entire life! I will save the details for another time but ultimately I discovered a few major issues as I got deeper into the Marines.
The first was that I discovered I have some serious depression. Depression SUCKS!!!
The second was that I was losing the creative abilities I once had. I was reclusive didn't like going out, didn't like the people around me and didn't really film anything. Any time I wanted to film, I just couldn't think of Content, shots, or really just completely lost the major drive to create and make films.
Which roughly brings me to where we are now. I am still in Japan, I am still depressed and I am still waiting to get home. I still have this strong desire to find what I'm supposed to do with my life, and the bottom line is that unfortunately I don't have that completely figured out. So here we are.... But you know what?
I am sick of waiting for life to come to me... I am tired of letting my depression control me! tired of not being confident in myself or my body. And so thats why I am starting this blog! its a journal for myself to document this journey of my search for purpose. Its the first chapter of many... I would like to think that this might one day inspire people to do the same and take control of their life.
It's time to take charge of my life and find my purpose Life is to short a race to not enjoy the ride! The greatest tragedy is to live an un-lived life. It's time for me to live, READY SET GO...
This is chapter 1 of many to come, more of an introduction. Maybe I will also do a vlog an put the links at the end of each post. *** shrug*** we'll see.